good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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