Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
