just come out here and I will go home with you...
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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