my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He? As in you personified your dick?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
