if i can run in heels then i can drive
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
