Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
well you can't waste a boner
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
there is glitter all over my balls
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
