my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
