Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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