The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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