Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
