Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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