My nipple is on Facebook.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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