Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
