So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
