Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
