So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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