First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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