people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
