yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
