Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
