I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
