His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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