My friends, they love my intelligence
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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