Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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