Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
PANTIES FOUND
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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