Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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