New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
