I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
