Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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