I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
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