My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
