I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
