I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think I died a long time ago.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
