i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
