DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
