yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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