Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
