That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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