I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
