even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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