so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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