Can i not drive my cunt home
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
