It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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