3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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