Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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