We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
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We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
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Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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