There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
