and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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