Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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