Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
