Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
