we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
