Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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