Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
