Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
