dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
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Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
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That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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