I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
