You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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