WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
