I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
