I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
