Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
