did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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