Come see our sink grown plant.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
